Hottie of the Week – Tony Abbott

tones1Tony Abbott – the awkward, sexy dad of Australian politics. The kind you never really notice until he takes off his bulky beige jumper and then it’s like DAYUM! The kind that tells terrible jokes and leers at the babysitter just a little too long, but eventually seduces her with his non-threatening charm and eventually gives her a chaffing sideways fingerbang while dropping her home one night. Think the plot of American Beauty. I assume, I got bored halfway through and watched Kath and Kim instead, a far more nuanced portrait of suburbia.

Politic’s sharpest mind, in the tightest body, in the sexiest speedos, in the wet dreams of many a young Lib. To speak of the slash fiction one conjures during his surfing trips with Mike Baird is to tempt an obscenity outrage not seen in this country since Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

Abbott government 2.0 approacheth, but until then I suppose all I can do is go to the beach and hold my head underwater for as long as it takes for this sexy lifesaver to show up and plunge my depths.

If there’s a better way to get a man I’d like to hear it.

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