Predictions for 2017

I thought I had more time to run this list before the world started imploding again this year. I was wrong. Thank you, Islamic State and Sussan Ley. So here is a belated list of predictions for 2017

The good:

  • The Liberals lose the March state election in Western Australia. Though I support the Liberal party, there is no way Colin Barnett will step down without being kicked out of office, and he needs to go. The amount of waste, cronyism, corruption and general incompetence from that government is astounding. There is a reckoning to come for those who got greedy during the mining boom and poured the profits into ugly vanity projects (no ones’s looking at you, Elizabeth Quay) or their own pockets. Massive corruption will be exposed on a scale not seen since the Fitzgerald Inquiry.
  • The Federal government will have a rocky year, but Malcolm Turnbull will hang on, if only for the fact that they do not want to risk another leadership spill this soon. Like John Howard, he has an unstable first term complete with travel expenses scandal, but eventually becomes a respected, if not widely loved, leader.
  • Marine Le Pen wins the French election and France finally decides to crack down on that whole ‘people being mowed down in the street’ thing.
  • Brexit is mostly uneventful and living standards in Britain rise for the first time in 8 years. Used as a roadmap to sovereignty for other countries, the collapse of the European Union becomes inevitable. There is much rejoicing.
  • Assad takes back most of Syria. There is much state-mandated rejoicing among the few Syrians not currently collecting unemployment benefits in Germany.

The bad:

  • Australia suffers its first major mass causality terrorist attack from ISIS, most likely in Melbourne on a Jewish or Christian place of worship. This increases One Nation’s voter share. If the terrorist attack occurs before the WA election in March, One Nation becomes a major force in the WA government no matter who wins.
  • There is a series of high profile retailer collapses in Australia due to competition from overseas and reduced consumer spending. Big W will not exist by the end of the year, Target maybe. JB Hi Fi still a thing for some reason.
  • Same-sex marriage in Australia is mostly forgotten.
  • Australia becomes a forgotten wet stain on the mattress between its parents, the USA and China. We will have very little control over the forces that influence our economy and regional security, despite Tony Abbott’s frequent flights over the South China Sea in an F-35A.
  • Islamic terrorist attacks continue across the western world as ISIS retreats from the Middle East and western governments let terrorists back in because of ‘human rights’ or some such nonsense.
  • Merkel is re-elected in Germany due to ineffective opposition and residual WW2 guilt. Regret is instant and hymen-destroying.
  • Obama’s legacy continues to turn to dust, which is good, but he doesn’t stop his snide commentary and the Huff Post runs endless think pieces on his every word. Death is welcomed.

The unknown:

  • Property prices. At this stage, honestly, who the fuck knows.
  • Trump. If he survives the inauguration without being assassinated he could actually be an effective leader. Cities in the US burn regardless as the left and right fight for dominance.

Stock up on canned food and amyl, it’s going to be one hell of a year!

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