Gender Biased Traffic Lights

Ten traffic light pedestrian figures will be changed to women in Melbourne, with the aim to eventually make 50 percent of pedestrian walk signs into female figures. The stated aim is to ‘reduce unconscious gender bias’.

Says Victorian Minister for Women Fiona Richardson, “There are many small — but symbolically significant — ways that women are excluded from public space”.

For a moment let’s leave aside the fact that this is patronising, a waste of money, ignores real issues women face and only serves to reinforce the view of feminists as nagging harpies. If indeed we all need to be represented in traffic pedestrian signals, lest we collapse into a shrieking mess every time we cross the road, here are some pedestrian – AND VIRTUE! – signalling ideas that truly represent Melbourne:

  • A green female figure with bright pink hair, to represent the feminists.
  • A green female figure that turns red monthly when blood pours from her vagina.
  • A green figure in a burqa, or even a little green ISIS man smashing little green ancient relics.
  • Just a big sign that says “Boycott Israel”.
  • A figure that alternates between a green man and a red woman at random times with no relation to actual traffic conditions that yells at you if you get its pronouns wrong.
  • In a tribute to ‘rape culture’ and today’s undebatable feminists, just a big red signal that says NO MEANS NO and doesn’t let anyone cross the road.
  • A gay man in a sling that alternates between yellow and red depending on what he’s chasing.
  • Green refugees that will not actually live in any Green seats.
  • A big Adam Bandt face, 1984 style.
  • Emma Watson with her tits cut off.

Gosh, when I put it like this, the idea of gender specific traffic lights seems almost ridiculous!

Plebiscite Then


Why am I leading this post with a photo of Liam Hemsworth? Its not just to bring the thirsty, thirsty gays to this site.

Last Saturday marked the date of what was supposed to be Australia’s same-sex marriage plebiscite. If, instead of arguing over the ‘right’ way to achieve marriage equality, we had toughed it out and gone through with the damn thing, there would be many happy gay couples legally married today.

And I would be married to Liam Hemsworth. The lack of plebiscite is the only thing preventing that…yeah…excuse me while I put on this soiled wedding dress and cry into my Lean Cuisine…

Campus Debate in Australia

Controversy! Controversy! Everyone to your twitter stations! Sky News presenter Ross Cameron made several derogatory comments towards gay people this week at a Q Society fundraiser, and boy is everyone in a tizz. Everyone from the Greens to Cory Bernardi is lining up to attack him. There are two comments the media is focusing on:

  • That the NSW division of the Liberal Party was “basically a gay club”

I do not understand the problem with this comment. Its true! I have made similar statements on this very blog. Gay men are heading to the right. Perhaps the problem is that the screeching classes just don’t wish to admit their role in pushing the biggest group of out homosexuals – white gay men – to the right with their constant calls for privilege checking, white-shaming and binary gender exclusion.

  • That the Sydney Morning Herald should be renamed “The Sydney Morning Homosexual”.

A juvenile comment, akin to shouting “gaaaayy” out a car window, but a succinct appraisal of the SMH’s biases.

Cartoonist Larry Pickering got in on the action, stating:

  • That he “can’t stand Muslims, but they are not all bad, they do chuck pillow-biters off buildings.”

A hideous comment that I find offensive. But not personally offensive, because that’s a waste of my time and energy. What I find more offensive are the attempts by protesters to shut down the Q Society fundraiser altogether. Unless Ross Cameron and Larry Pickering are inciting violence (and though Pickering gets close, I would argue he is not), they have the right to speak. Freedom of speech is for everyone, not just people who agree with you, or for the inoffensive, or even the mostly coherent.

Victoria University issued an apology for allowing the event to be held on its premises after receiving a letter of protest from students and staff and are reviewing administrative procedures. It appears this protest has nothing to do with the content of the speeches, but rather the goals of Q Society itself. Their stated goals are an end to muslim immigration and halal certification. Neither of these things are basic rights that should be immune from debate and criticism. I fear this victory for campus ‘activists’ is the start of a quick descent into the ‘no-platforming’ policy that has crippled debate at universities in the UK and emboldened the leftists to riot, destroy property and physically attack those they perceive as fascists, that is, everyone, on campuses in the USA.

I hope one day Milo Yiannopoulos comes to Australia so that the hypocrisies and pretensions (how are university Marxist societies still a thing?) of the modern Australian university are laid bare for the mainstream to see. His presence will create serious debate and will mean no more easy victories for those intent on silencing conservative points of view.  It’ll be a riot!

Excuse the bad joke, I’m fasting before Mardi Gras and am quite light headed.

A controversial opinion on Donald Trump

I have a controversial opinion on Donald Trump. It could very well lead to death threats and my fleeing the country in the hold of an unregistered fishing boat, my silverware wrapped in newspaper and shoved up my arse.

Angry progressives will strip me naked in the street and beat me with phone chargers.

But I must remain committed to my core value of free speech even when I know the backlash will be swift and cruel.

Ok, here it is…

I don’t give a fuck.

It’s been one week since Trump took office and already I am exhausted by the endless outrage machine following his every move. I. Just. Don’t. Give. A. Fuck. I refuse to engage.

I’ll still pay attention to the news so I know what’s generally going on, but the endless think pieces, Facebook rants, celebrity tweets and viral late night TV segments? Fuck no. I don’t have the energy to do this for 4 more years. When it gets to the point where his presidency starts to impact on Australia, such as with trade deals and South East Asian shipping lane tax duties (love me some cabotage!), then maybe I check back in.

I’m sick of Australians obsessing over American politics in general, but especially when it doesn’t affect them. Gun rights, abortion, refugee and LGBT policies relevant only to Americans do not deserve our time. One might argue that the US is a world leader and so what they do has a cultural impact everywhere else. My counterpoint to that is that we have enough debate in Australia over our own gun, abortion, refugee and LGBT policies without taking on the burden of a country with a very different culture in regards to those issues. All this does is stop the debate in Australia about policy that actually affects us. Obamacare is not our problem. Get outraged about the soaring health care insurance rates and breaking down of Medicare in Australia.

It’s all the rage among the Brunswick set to protest Trump, all of them falling over each other to have the most hysterical reaction they can, presenting their hurt feelings as political engagement. NO.

Hipsters: Stop protesting something you cannot change and get involved in a way that furthers your chosen discourse in your own country. Australian politics is not as dull as you think, and political parties are always looking for help. Instead of focusing on the other side of the world, start by improving your street. The local council may not be as exciting as Congress, but there you can start to make positive change in your local community. Otherwise, shut the fuck up.

Further reading: I usually feel rather dirty reading The Guardian, but there’s a surprisingly thoughtful article by David Fettling wherein he describes the obsession with US politics among Australian progressives as ‘West Wing Syndrome’ and lays out how this is going to affect Australia’s relationship with Asia:


Predictions for 2017

I thought I had more time to run this list before the world started imploding again this year. I was wrong. Thank you, Islamic State and Sussan Ley. So here is a belated list of predictions for 2017

The good:

  • The Liberals lose the March state election in Western Australia. Though I support the Liberal party, there is no way Colin Barnett will step down without being kicked out of office, and he needs to go. The amount of waste, cronyism, corruption and general incompetence from that government is astounding. There is a reckoning to come for those who got greedy during the mining boom and poured the profits into ugly vanity projects (no ones’s looking at you, Elizabeth Quay) or their own pockets. Massive corruption will be exposed on a scale not seen since the Fitzgerald Inquiry.
  • The Federal government will have a rocky year, but Malcolm Turnbull will hang on, if only for the fact that they do not want to risk another leadership spill this soon. Like John Howard, he has an unstable first term complete with travel expenses scandal, but eventually becomes a respected, if not widely loved, leader.
  • Marine Le Pen wins the French election and France finally decides to crack down on that whole ‘people being mowed down in the street’ thing.
  • Brexit is mostly uneventful and living standards in Britain rise for the first time in 8 years. Used as a roadmap to sovereignty for other countries, the collapse of the European Union becomes inevitable. There is much rejoicing.
  • Assad takes back most of Syria. There is much state-mandated rejoicing among the few Syrians not currently collecting unemployment benefits in Germany.

The bad:

  • Australia suffers its first major mass causality terrorist attack from ISIS, most likely in Melbourne on a Jewish or Christian place of worship. This increases One Nation’s voter share. If the terrorist attack occurs before the WA election in March, One Nation becomes a major force in the WA government no matter who wins.
  • There is a series of high profile retailer collapses in Australia due to competition from overseas and reduced consumer spending. Big W will not exist by the end of the year, Target maybe. JB Hi Fi still a thing for some reason.
  • Same-sex marriage in Australia is mostly forgotten.
  • Australia becomes a forgotten wet stain on the mattress between its parents, the USA and China. We will have very little control over the forces that influence our economy and regional security, despite Tony Abbott’s frequent flights over the South China Sea in an F-35A.
  • Islamic terrorist attacks continue across the western world as ISIS retreats from the Middle East and western governments let terrorists back in because of ‘human rights’ or some such nonsense.
  • Merkel is re-elected in Germany due to ineffective opposition and residual WW2 guilt. Regret is instant and hymen-destroying.
  • Obama’s legacy continues to turn to dust, which is good, but he doesn’t stop his snide commentary and the Huff Post runs endless think pieces on his every word. Death is welcomed.

The unknown:

  • Property prices. At this stage, honestly, who the fuck knows.
  • Trump. If he survives the inauguration without being assassinated he could actually be an effective leader. Cities in the US burn regardless as the left and right fight for dominance.

Stock up on canned food and amyl, it’s going to be one hell of a year!

Plebiscite Now

I support same-sex marriage. Or whatever the politically term is today, marriage equality? non-denominational pagantastic melding of the wizard robes? As a conservative, I support anything that strengthens the family unit. Indeed, I hope that one day I have my own legally recognised wedding ceremony, that is, like all gay weddings, barefoot and be-pasteled on a Hawaiian beach, officiated by a linen-suited lesbian. This stock photo is basically the Facebook feed of my late twenties:


Same-sex marriage needs to become law in Australia as soon as possible. And that means plebiscite.

The idea of a plebiscite makes me sick. I shouldn’t have to vote for my rights, and I don’t want my homophobic grandparents voting on them either. But it needs to be done so that gay families have the stability that they need to thrive. There is all this talk about ‘mental health issues’ that would arise from having a politically funded anti-same sex marriage campaign, but I argue that it is worse to have all this uncertainty surrounding the legal status of marriage, parenting and child access. Anyway, rejecting the plebiscite out of the concern of the mental health of gay people is just a distraction. Since when has the government been concerned about the mental health of gay people? The debate keeps going in circles because it is in none of the major party’s interests to resolve this issue:


  • The Greens want to the issue to be dragged out as long as possible as a distraction from how vacuous their other policies are.
  • Labor wants to be able to appear progressive without doing anything that would upset their tradie base’s prime position in Australian cultural discourse.
  • The Liberals want to hold off on the break up of their party as long as possible by doing nothing controversial.

I fear that the momentum for same-sex marriage is already gone and the plebiscite was the last chance for many years to get it done. Chaos is coming. The fracturing of parliament into smaller one-issue parties is going to get worse. Next year may see the emergence of Corey Bernadi’s new conservative party or an extreme right-wing take over of the Liberals. In the worldwide upheaval coming next year, same-sex marriage is going to be completely forgotten.

We had our chance to resolve this. The plebiscite would have been nasty, but gay people need to stop being the victims the left teaches them to be and get this resolved for future gay generations in Australia. It’s like sex with a 10 inch Brazilian. You just have to take a panadol, grit your teeth, and get it done. Also remember to breathe out.

LGBT inclusive disaster plans


The Australian reports today that the Andrews government is funding research into LGBTI inclusive natural disaster plans, such as for floods and bushfires. How is this a thing?

Do we not know whether to move towards or away from rapidly encroaching fire?

Do we refuse to let go of our Lady Gaga albums even as water rises over our heads?

Doth our anuses weigh down so heavily with seed that we lose all natural buoyancy?

This is where the left’s identity politics actually becomes dangerous. They have been pushing so hard to make minorities distrust authorities that now even those who rush into burning buildings to save people are apparent objects of fear.But here’s the thing: you can spend your whole life rearranging your pronouns and oppressed identities du jour, but when you are trapped in a burning building you won’t care. And guess what, neither will the emergency workers. I know many emergency workers, and they try to save every life they can, no matter who it is. Murderers, child abusers, gays. They know that it is not up to them to decide whether a life is worth saving.

Asking for gender neutral bathrooms in evacuation centres will do nothing but breed resentment for gay people. In disasters people should be coming together, not demanding special treatment. Besides, everything is gender neutral when 3000 people are shitting together in a ditch on the smouldering outskirts of what used to be their town. And, again, no one cares. The lady who just watched Mothra carry away her children doesn’t care what days you identity as Shism and where you wipe your prism.

So, when nuclear war inevitably breaks out next year (due to Obama realising he has a week left to leave some kind of legacy), reject LGBTI ‘inclusive’ disaster plans. Follow government instructions. Or join me in my bunker. I have Ayn Rand, Prosecco and an almost certainly illegal amount of shirtless photos of Mike Baird.

On being an Australian gay conservative

There is not much left to say about the fundamentals of being a gay conservative that hasn’t already been said, it terms far more eloquent than I could muster at this late stage, by the likes of Milo Yiannopoulos and the occasional token right wing Huffposter. If you’ve found this site I’m sure have had experience with the left calling you a self-hater because you don’t think how they believe a gay person should think, so I won’t rehash the miniature of identity politics. However, almost all the discussion about gay conservatism is from America, and the situation in Australia is somewhat different.

In the USA the right wing is closely associated with the religious right, something with far less influence in Australia. Oh, the left tried valiantly to be persecuted by them, but aside from a few fading and archaic voices, the Church in Australia generally doesn’t give a shit what people do with their lives. The Mosque might, but I’ll uh…leave that topic to Milo for now. The Church’s muted response to the recent debate on same-sex marriage was the official end to claims of oppression. With no centralised enemy, the left has been lashing out wildly at anything perceived to be ‘traditional’. Their mentality of ‘with us on everything or against us’ has resulted in gay rights being intertwined, somehow, with side issues such as asylum seekers. I have been told, to my face, that not wanting the refugees brought to Australia is homophobic. There has not been a recent marriage equality protest without someone unfurling a ‘Bring Them Here’ banner. I don’t understand this. I don’t think at Stonewall in ’69 that drag queen who threw the first rock was yelling “CLOSE MANUS!”

In the eight years since I left high school and entered gay life, a disturbing change has occurred in the gay community. Being gay used to be fun, and a little naughty. Now it’s a minefield of political correctness. Tell a saucy joke and someone will be reminding you that “some women have penises too!” Australia’s small population means that it doesn’t take much for a loud rabble to be able to declare themselves leaders of a movement. The support and social groups that young gay people rely on have been taken over by those – usually trans women and the more virulent lesbians – who use the services as a place to imprint their extreme ideologies, especially about gender, on younger generations. In Australia, even large cities have few official support services, so young gays must either conform to this queerifaction, or find themselves with no support in their most vulnerable time. Every gay person in Australia knows every other gay person. This is a scientific fact, as proven in Dr. Mendel Shabalay’s seminal thesis ‘Get out of my Boyfriend, ya Fat Mole: A study of Australian Relationships’. Reputations in the Australian gay community are unchangeable and will follow you to any city you inevitably move to for a ‘fresh start’. So even outside official services, there is a real danger in expressing opinions that go against the gay hegemony. All this, plus handsy uncles, is how we have a whole generation voting for the Greens.

Hottie of the Week – Tony Abbott

tones1Tony Abbott – the awkward, sexy dad of Australian politics. The kind you never really notice until he takes off his bulky beige jumper and then it’s like DAYUM! The kind that tells terrible jokes and leers at the babysitter just a little too long, but eventually seduces her with his non-threatening charm and eventually gives her a chaffing sideways fingerbang while dropping her home one night. Think the plot of American Beauty. I assume, I got bored halfway through and watched Kath and Kim instead, a far more nuanced portrait of suburbia.

Politic’s sharpest mind, in the tightest body, in the sexiest speedos, in the wet dreams of many a young Lib. To speak of the slash fiction one conjures during his surfing trips with Mike Baird is to tempt an obscenity outrage not seen in this country since Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

Abbott government 2.0 approacheth, but until then I suppose all I can do is go to the beach and hold my head underwater for as long as it takes for this sexy lifesaver to show up and plunge my depths.

If there’s a better way to get a man I’d like to hear it.


Being a gay, brunch loving, under-employed 20-something living in an inner-city Melbourne suburb so Green that neither the Libs nor Labor bothered having pamphleteers at the election booths this year, I would be the last person most would expect to have a conservative blog. So naive! From anecdotal (and therefore indisputable) evidence, the gay conservative movement in Australia is growing, and will continue to do as the Left persists in its hijacking of the gay movement to push an unrelated agenda and punish those who do not conform to its ideological purity.

Being gay has traditionally been about freedom. And the more that comes under attack, the more gay people will see that it is the conservatives defending that freedom. Not for marriage, a recent issue, but from the encroaching political correct culture. But for now, gay conservatives remain the most secretive and despised members of the gay community. More so if cis and white. That’s, like, being triple Hitler! There are resources for American gay conservatives, but a quick google search reveals that, at time of publishing, this is only one of two results for “Australian gay conservative”. It’s an isolating experience (I daren’t express my views on Waleed Aly too loudly in my neighbourhood!) so feel free to email me for a friendly chat. The aim of this blog is inspire a new generation of gay people to take back their community from the left wing loonies and be the leaders of the new wave of conservatism and populism sweeping the world! But if it makes one less person feel less alone then that’s ok too. Or if it gets me laid. Conservative men fuck like beasts.