On being an Australian gay conservative

There is not much left to say about the fundamentals of being a gay conservative that hasn’t already been said, it terms far more eloquent than I could muster at this late stage, by the likes of Milo Yiannopoulos and the occasional token right wing Huffposter. If you’ve found this site I’m sure have had experience with the left calling you a self-hater because you don’t think how they believe a gay person should think, so I won’t rehash the miniature of identity politics. However, almost all the discussion about gay conservatism is from America, and the situation in Australia is somewhat different.

In the USA the right wing is closely associated with the religious right, something with far less influence in Australia. Oh, the left tried valiantly to be persecuted by them, but aside from a few fading and archaic voices, the Church in Australia generally doesn’t give a shit what people do with their lives. The Mosque might, but I’ll uh…leave that topic to Milo for now. The Church’s muted response to the recent debate on same-sex marriage was the official end to claims of oppression. With no centralised enemy, the left has been lashing out wildly at anything perceived to be ‘traditional’. Their mentality of ‘with us on everything or against us’ has resulted in gay rights being intertwined, somehow, with side issues such as asylum seekers. I have been told, to my face, that not wanting the refugees brought to Australia is homophobic. There has not been a recent marriage equality protest without someone unfurling a ‘Bring Them Here’ banner. I don’t understand this. I don’t think at Stonewall in ’69 that drag queen who threw the first rock was yelling “CLOSE MANUS!”

In the eight years since I left high school and entered gay life, a disturbing change has occurred in the gay community. Being gay used to be fun, and a little naughty. Now it’s a minefield of political correctness. Tell a saucy joke and someone will be reminding you that “some women have penises too!” Australia’s small population means that it doesn’t take much for a loud rabble to be able to declare themselves leaders of a movement. The support and social groups that young gay people rely on have been taken over by those – usually trans women and the more virulent lesbians – who use the services as a place to imprint their extreme ideologies, especially about gender, on younger generations. In Australia, even large cities have few official support services, so young gays must either conform to this queerifaction, or find themselves with no support in their most vulnerable time. Every gay person in Australia knows every other gay person. This is a scientific fact, as proven in Dr. Mendel Shabalay’s seminal thesis ‘Get out of my Boyfriend, ya Fat Mole: A study of Australian Relationships’. Reputations in the Australian gay community are unchangeable and will follow you to any city you inevitably move to for a ‘fresh start’. So even outside official services, there is a real danger in expressing opinions that go against the gay hegemony. All this, plus handsy uncles, is how we have a whole generation voting for the Greens.

Hottie of the Week – Tony Abbott

tones1Tony Abbott – the awkward, sexy dad of Australian politics. The kind you never really notice until he takes off his bulky beige jumper and then it’s like DAYUM! The kind that tells terrible jokes and leers at the babysitter just a little too long, but eventually seduces her with his non-threatening charm and eventually gives her a chaffing sideways fingerbang while dropping her home one night. Think the plot of American Beauty. I assume, I got bored halfway through and watched Kath and Kim instead, a far more nuanced portrait of suburbia.

Politic’s sharpest mind, in the tightest body, in the sexiest speedos, in the wet dreams of many a young Lib. To speak of the slash fiction one conjures during his surfing trips with Mike Baird is to tempt an obscenity outrage not seen in this country since Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

Abbott government 2.0 approacheth, but until then I suppose all I can do is go to the beach and hold my head underwater for as long as it takes for this sexy lifesaver to show up and plunge my depths.

If there’s a better way to get a man I’d like to hear it.


Being a gay, brunch loving, under-employed 20-something living in an inner-city Melbourne suburb so Green that neither the Libs nor Labor bothered having pamphleteers at the election booths this year, I would be the last person most would expect to have a conservative blog. So naive! From anecdotal (and therefore indisputable) evidence, the gay conservative movement in Australia is growing, and will continue to do as the Left persists in its hijacking of the gay movement to push an unrelated agenda and punish those who do not conform to its ideological purity.

Being gay has traditionally been about freedom. And the more that comes under attack, the more gay people will see that it is the conservatives defending that freedom. Not for marriage, a recent issue, but from the encroaching political correct culture. But for now, gay conservatives remain the most secretive and despised members of the gay community. More so if cis and white. That’s, like, being triple Hitler! There are resources for American gay conservatives, but a quick google search reveals that, at time of publishing, this is only one of two results for “Australian gay conservative”. It’s an isolating experience (I daren’t express my views on Waleed Aly too loudly in my neighbourhood!) so feel free to email me for a friendly chat. The aim of this blog is inspire a new generation of gay people to take back their community from the left wing loonies and be the leaders of the new wave of conservatism and populism sweeping the world! But if it makes one less person feel less alone then that’s ok too. Or if it gets me laid. Conservative men fuck like beasts.