Plebiscite Now

I support same-sex marriage. Or whatever the politically term is today, marriage equality? non-denominational pagantastic melding of the wizard robes? As a conservative, I support anything that strengthens the family unit. Indeed, I hope that one day I have my own legally recognised wedding ceremony, that is, like all gay weddings, barefoot and be-pasteled on a Hawaiian beach, officiated by a linen-suited lesbian. This stock photo is basically the Facebook feed of my late twenties:


Same-sex marriage needs to become law in Australia as soon as possible. And that means plebiscite.

The idea of a plebiscite makes me sick. I shouldn’t have to vote for my rights, and I don’t want my homophobic grandparents voting on them either. But it needs to be done so that gay families have the stability that they need to thrive. There is all this talk about ‘mental health issues’ that would arise from having a politically funded anti-same sex marriage campaign, but I argue that it is worse to have all this uncertainty surrounding the legal status of marriage, parenting and child access. Anyway, rejecting the plebiscite out of the concern of the mental health of gay people is just a distraction. Since when has the government been concerned about the mental health of gay people? The debate keeps going in circles because it is in none of the major party’s interests to resolve this issue:


  • The Greens want to the issue to be dragged out as long as possible as a distraction from how vacuous their other policies are.
  • Labor wants to be able to appear progressive without doing anything that would upset their tradie base’s prime position in Australian cultural discourse.
  • The Liberals want to hold off on the break up of their party as long as possible by doing nothing controversial.

I fear that the momentum for same-sex marriage is already gone and the plebiscite was the last chance for many years to get it done. Chaos is coming. The fracturing of parliament into smaller one-issue parties is going to get worse. Next year may see the emergence of Corey Bernadi’s new conservative party or an extreme right-wing take over of the Liberals. In the worldwide upheaval coming next year, same-sex marriage is going to be completely forgotten.

We had our chance to resolve this. The plebiscite would have been nasty, but gay people need to stop being the victims the left teaches them to be and get this resolved for future gay generations in Australia. It’s like sex with a 10 inch Brazilian. You just have to take a panadol, grit your teeth, and get it done. Also remember to breathe out.

LGBT inclusive disaster plans


The Australian reports today that the Andrews government is funding research into LGBTI inclusive natural disaster plans, such as for floods and bushfires. How is this a thing?

Do we not know whether to move towards or away from rapidly encroaching fire?

Do we refuse to let go of our Lady Gaga albums even as water rises over our heads?

Doth our anuses weigh down so heavily with seed that we lose all natural buoyancy?

This is where the left’s identity politics actually becomes dangerous. They have been pushing so hard to make minorities distrust authorities that now even those who rush into burning buildings to save people are apparent objects of fear.But here’s the thing: you can spend your whole life rearranging your pronouns and oppressed identities du jour, but when you are trapped in a burning building you won’t care. And guess what, neither will the emergency workers. I know many emergency workers, and they try to save every life they can, no matter who it is. Murderers, child abusers, gays. They know that it is not up to them to decide whether a life is worth saving.

Asking for gender neutral bathrooms in evacuation centres will do nothing but breed resentment for gay people. In disasters people should be coming together, not demanding special treatment. Besides, everything is gender neutral when 3000 people are shitting together in a ditch on the smouldering outskirts of what used to be their town. And, again, no one cares. The lady who just watched Mothra carry away her children doesn’t care what days you identity as Shism and where you wipe your prism.

So, when nuclear war inevitably breaks out next year (due to Obama realising he has a week left to leave some kind of legacy), reject LGBTI ‘inclusive’ disaster plans. Follow government instructions. Or join me in my bunker. I have Ayn Rand, Prosecco and an almost certainly illegal amount of shirtless photos of Mike Baird.

On being an Australian gay conservative

There is not much left to say about the fundamentals of being a gay conservative that hasn’t already been said, it terms far more eloquent than I could muster at this late stage, by the likes of Milo Yiannopoulos and the occasional token right wing Huffposter. If you’ve found this site I’m sure have had experience with the left calling you a self-hater because you don’t think how they believe a gay person should think, so I won’t rehash the miniature of identity politics. However, almost all the discussion about gay conservatism is from America, and the situation in Australia is somewhat different.

In the USA the right wing is closely associated with the religious right, something with far less influence in Australia. Oh, the left tried valiantly to be persecuted by them, but aside from a few fading and archaic voices, the Church in Australia generally doesn’t give a shit what people do with their lives. The Mosque might, but I’ll uh…leave that topic to Milo for now. The Church’s muted response to the recent debate on same-sex marriage was the official end to claims of oppression. With no centralised enemy, the left has been lashing out wildly at anything perceived to be ‘traditional’. Their mentality of ‘with us on everything or against us’ has resulted in gay rights being intertwined, somehow, with side issues such as asylum seekers. I have been told, to my face, that not wanting the refugees brought to Australia is homophobic. There has not been a recent marriage equality protest without someone unfurling a ‘Bring Them Here’ banner. I don’t understand this. I don’t think at Stonewall in ’69 that drag queen who threw the first rock was yelling “CLOSE MANUS!”

In the eight years since I left high school and entered gay life, a disturbing change has occurred in the gay community. Being gay used to be fun, and a little naughty. Now it’s a minefield of political correctness. Tell a saucy joke and someone will be reminding you that “some women have penises too!” Australia’s small population means that it doesn’t take much for a loud rabble to be able to declare themselves leaders of a movement. The support and social groups that young gay people rely on have been taken over by those – usually trans women and the more virulent lesbians – who use the services as a place to imprint their extreme ideologies, especially about gender, on younger generations. In Australia, even large cities have few official support services, so young gays must either conform to this queerifaction, or find themselves with no support in their most vulnerable time. Every gay person in Australia knows every other gay person. This is a scientific fact, as proven in Dr. Mendel Shabalay’s seminal thesis ‘Get out of my Boyfriend, ya Fat Mole: A study of Australian Relationships’. Reputations in the Australian gay community are unchangeable and will follow you to any city you inevitably move to for a ‘fresh start’. So even outside official services, there is a real danger in expressing opinions that go against the gay hegemony. All this, plus handsy uncles, is how we have a whole generation voting for the Greens.

Hottie of the Week – Tony Abbott

tones1Tony Abbott – the awkward, sexy dad of Australian politics. The kind you never really notice until he takes off his bulky beige jumper and then it’s like DAYUM! The kind that tells terrible jokes and leers at the babysitter just a little too long, but eventually seduces her with his non-threatening charm and eventually gives her a chaffing sideways fingerbang while dropping her home one night. Think the plot of American Beauty. I assume, I got bored halfway through and watched Kath and Kim instead, a far more nuanced portrait of suburbia.

Politic’s sharpest mind, in the tightest body, in the sexiest speedos, in the wet dreams of many a young Lib. To speak of the slash fiction one conjures during his surfing trips with Mike Baird is to tempt an obscenity outrage not seen in this country since Lady Chatterley’s Lover.

Abbott government 2.0 approacheth, but until then I suppose all I can do is go to the beach and hold my head underwater for as long as it takes for this sexy lifesaver to show up and plunge my depths.

If there’s a better way to get a man I’d like to hear it.


In which I lay down my sick political discourse.

Being a gay, brunch loving, under-employed 20-something living in an inner-city Melbourne suburb so Green that neither the Libs nor Labor bothered having pamphleteers at the election booths this year, I would be the last person most would expect to have a conservative blog. So naive! From anecdotal (and therefore indisputable) evidence, the gay conservative movement in Australia is growing, and will continue to do as the Left persists in its hijacking of the gay movement to push an unrelated agenda and punish those who do not conform to its ideological purity.

Being gay has traditionally been about freedom. And the more that comes under attack, the more gay people will see that it is the conservatives defending that freedom. Not for marriage, a recent issue, but from the encroaching political correct culture. But for now, gay conservatives remain the most secretive and despised members of the gay community. More so if cis and white. That’s, like, being triple Hitler! There are resources for American gay conservatives, but a quick google search reveals that, at time of publishing, this is only one of two results for “Australian gay conservative”. It’s an isolating experience (I daren’t express my views on Waleed Aly too loudly in my neighbourhood!) so feel free to email me for a friendly chat. The aim of this blog is inspire a new generation of gay people to take back their community from the left wing loonies and be the leaders of the new wave of conservatism and populism sweeping the world! But if it makes one less person feel less alone then that’s ok too. Or if it gets me laid. Conservative men fuck like beasts.